Nurturing with Nature

My happy place is outside. This year Northeast Ohio has been gifted with lovely weather and I have been able to spend more time in my happy place. I wrote about filling the well of creativity here , and once again I am taking time off. This will be my last post for 2015 so I can spend with family and friends. I'm sharing a few of my happy place photos from this year. See ya on the flip side, and wishing you all wonderful holidays.

Granville Island, Vancouver BC Canada

Holiday Hell, Part 2

 I wrote a post last year that talked about how to deal with the holidays and the stress and overwhelm that they can bring here , and I wrote about grief here. Today’s post talks about how to deal with grief at the holidays. I am not talking about the generic sadness that can strike because imagined holiday joy is offset by the reality of dealing with family, or work, or horrible happenings in the world at large.

I am talking about the kind of grief that comes from spending your first holidays without the best friend, the child, the mother, the brother, the son, the daughter, the husband, the wife, the partner, the father, the grandfather, the grandmother, the auntie, the uncle, or sister that has left this world.

I am talking about the kind of grief and sadness that sneaks up on you randomly and delivers a heart crushing pain. It can be little things that trigger it, a familiar smell, a place that reminds you of them, a store display, a gift that you might have bought, lighting the candles, a song that you hear, an ornament, or a tradition that now seems empty.

I have lived a bit at this point in my life, and have had my share of holidays that were about getting through them rather than celebrating. I know that I have been fortunate to have more years where I have reveled in all that is wonderful and good and happy about the holidays. I know that this year many of my friends are trying to find a way through the holidays. This my letter to them, and to everyone who is trying to support them.

1. Take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to feel better, even if that means that you are doing something completely different.
2. Let yourself be as sad as you need to be, don’t try and stuff your feelings because you are afraid of making others uncomfortable.
3. Do not self-medicate with alcohol and drugs. As hard as it is, feel your feelings, masking them with substances is not good for your health.
4. Let others do for you. If you cannot get it together to do what you have always done, let someone else do it.
5. Surround yourself with people that love you, birth family, or made family, whoever it is, let them love you.
6. If you are considering self-harm, please, please, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline   http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ . They have online services that are there to help.

If you are the one trying to help someone that is struggling here are your five tips:

1. Ask what you can do to help, and then do it.
2. Do not change the subject if the person grieving wants to talk about their sadness, let them express how they are feeling. Listen.
3. If you are concerned about how someone is handling their grief, ask them. It is okay to talk about being sad.
4. Love them, even if they are not themselves, even if they are angry, moody, or cry a lot, hold them if they need/want it, give them space to feel what they are feeling.
5. If you are concerned that the person is at risk for self-harm, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ . They have many resources, to help you help the person you are worried about.

Goats: Taking time to get outside

If you have not guessed I have a thing for photographing animals. I was able to spend a lovely Fall afternoon playing with and photographing this beautiful trio of goats. Remember to feed your creative soul. Take the time to get outside and away from screens. Take time for you. Thanks Kelly for making it happen.

Women's Voices:Megan Hart- Review Hold Me Close

Hold Me Close is a nuanced story of two damaged people finding their way back from the edge of a dark abyss, embracing their past and eventually each other. Effie and Heath are two people who endured a horrific life event as adolescents, one of them trying to leave it far behind, and the other believing that what they have survived together has created a love and a bond between them that few will ever have or understand. 

A story of survival and love, Hold Me Close follows Effie, frustrated by how her past defines her present, wanting to distance herself from her notoriety, and questioning her sexual desires, Effie tries to fit her life into her imagined version of normal. As she struggles to unwind the twisted events of her life, a confrontation with her past drives Effie to realize that to be loved means that you can be your fearful, brave, strong, dark, rough, pain/pleasure seeking self, celebrated for who you are, instead of being tolerated because of your past.

In the hands of a lesser writer Effie’s story could be a maudlin tale of victimization, but Effie is a strong character, pushing herself to move beyond fears and others’ expectations to actively make choices about her life. If you are already a fan of Megan Hart, Hold Me Close does not disappoint, if you have not read Ms. Hart, understand that she writes stories that tear your heart out, after twisting it a bit, she will, ever so sweetly tuck it back into your chest, no worse for the wear. Prepare to be sucked into a dark world where the light at the end of the tunnel is tinted orange. 

Hold Me Close is available for pre-order here 

or at your favorite independent bookstore November 24.

Click here to find out more about Megan Hart

Reentry: After Travel Selfcare

 I  spent last week in a fog after attending the Surrey International Writers Conference this year. Reentry into family/work/real life after travel /learning /inspiration/ and only having to take care of yourself can make the strongest among us freak out. Combine jet-lag, sleep issues, the time change, and all the stuff you did not do while you were gone and it can overwhelming and frustrating. All the ideas that you have for getting back to work to finish projects or start new ones can come to a grinding halt as your mind and body try to adjust, add a little ADD/ADHD into the mix and you have the perfect storm for feeling and acting like this:

Here are five things that can help with reentry:

1. Exercise. Walk or swim, or whatever it is that gets your body moving and rests your brain.
2. Nature. Get outside, breathe, disconnect from electronics. Give your mind time to appreciate world without a screen.
3. Eat well. Drink water.
4. Be gentle with yourself.
5. Be gentle with your family. Little ones often are sad/mad that you left them, they may cling or be difficult to let you know that they missed you, and are unhappy that you were gone. Sometimes big people behave the same way if they have had care and feeding of the littles. Remember that while a conference is work/career related, you were able to enjoy the company of other adults, and the parent at home was dealing with the fallout from your absence.

Conferences can be well-springs of information, inspiration, and support. Do not let after conference stress keep you from attending, try these tips after your next conference for a smoother reentry.